She is such a blessing to me. I still, almost 9 months after her birth, have to remind myself sometimes that she is MY daughter. She lives in MY house. Motherhood is an experience I've always dreamed of and it has fulfilled me more than I imagined. It's magical the way Brynn needs and wants me, how she reaches for and crawls to me. How she squeals with delight when I walk in to her room in the morning and after naps. She is such an amazing baby, and I know all mothers think that of their children, which is a wonderful thing. Brynn is so smart and interested in the world around her. I can hardly wait until the "why" questions begin because of the things I imagine she'll ask about. =)
I love that I've been able to nurse her. My friend Tiffany told me she thinks nursing is "the perfect bridge between pregnancy and your baby being outside of the womb". Her words have stuck with me and I think of them each time I sit down to nurse Brynn. She is right. I would say that the time is even more precious to me now than ever, because of how busy she is all day long. Nursing is the one time she sits still and I can just gaze at her in wonder. I love the snuggly-ness of our time together and even though I would LOOOOOOOOVE for her to be sleeping all the way through the night, I do still treasure our once-a-night-unless-she's-sick-or-teething-then-it's-2-or-3-times-a-night nursing sessions. When she's finished, she often just looks at me and smiles and giggles. Heart be melted.
Motherhood has changed me in many ways. Some of these changes I'm grateful for, and some I'm looking forward to/hoping to grow through. I'm grateful for Brynn's health, for her sweet personality and curiosity about the world around her. I'm reminded daily that many mamas in this world are heartbroken because they have lost their babies before or after birth, have terribly ill children, or have damaged relationships with them. I hope that Brynn and I will have a wonderful relationship through the years and I realize that means I will have to grow in some ways as she also grows. Being a mother makes me think of how grateful I am for my own mom and how well she has always loved me.
I replay over and over, many times weekly, the moment Brynn was laid on my chest. I waited so many years for that sweet moment. Years of trying to prepare every part of our lives, praying that the Lord would bless us with a child to raise and love, trusting Him through my pregnancy, labor and delivery...nothing could have prepared me for what I experienced then...the moment I literally felt a new life emerge into this world from my body, the moment her slimy, wriggly body was laid on mine. The moment she calmed and looked right into my eyes.
The moment I became a mother.
No comments:
Post a Comment