Saturday, October 10, 2009

a quick pic

Me at 21 weeks, on my way to my high school reunion.

Thoughts on home and a baby girl

My heart is full tonight. Mark is at a Husky game and I'm home with my thoughts in my (almost) fully remodeled home, cozy on the couch with a pile of used kleenexes beside me...not really enjoying this cold I have, but thankful that it forces me to sit still and relax, instead of putzing around the house organizing things.

The picture below is from our "gender reveal" party we had a few weeks ago...we were so blessed to have so many friends and family blessed. The day was a special one for Mark and me, learning that this babe I'm carrying is a little girl. Knowing who she is has made this pregnancy even more incredible that it already had been.

Though I'm sticking to my guns in that I'm not going to post any "real" pictures of our home until the finishing touches are another week or so...I couldn't help posting some of these "sneak peek" photos, taken by Mark...he has a way with the camera that I don't, and he always captures things in the most interesting ways. From these pictures, you can probably tell how invasive our projects have become...much different from what we first envisioned, but with an end result that is, for lack of a better word...awesome. :)

We had carpet installed upstairs today - yes, ALL rooms are now the same color! The floors downstairs are just about complete, many of our "things" are back in place..what's finished already looks better than we could have anticipated. As I was cleaning today, I couldn't help but stop and take notice of how emotional I've become about this house in the past months. Looking around here now, seeing baby things in our room and *hers*, thinking about this home that Mark and I have been blessed with...after living here for 2 years, seeing our ideas come to life in our projects, all the while praying for a family to raise in this home that is definitely too big for 2 people alone....and now it's happening. I catch myself smiling all the time, thinking about this dream that is becoming reality for us, and it's all because of God's grace and love for us.

For so long I have dreamed of motherhood, read about it, practiced it with my nanny families, talked about it, prayed about it, and now, in a few short months, I actually get to experience it for myself...I can't quite wrap my mind around that. Tonight, in the quiet, I found myself upstairs in baby girl's room, sitting in the glider, talking to her, telling her all about the her room and what it looks like, rocking and holding my belly, looking out the window at the dark and imagining myself sitting in that spot night after night, day after day, holding our baby instead of my belly.

The most incredible thing about this pregnancy so far has definitely been watching Mark watch me grow and hearing what he has to say about this little babe. The other day I asked him if he loved her; he said yes. I asked him when he first felt that love and he told me it was when we saw our little blob of a babe at 8 weeks, with the fluttering little heart that put Mark and I both in awe of God and His miraculous creation. I was almost brought to tears by the thought of Mark loving our baby...I know, it sounds silly, but I'm the one carrying this baby and from the moment I saw the 2 pink lines, I was in love. But to hear my husband of 6 years tell me he loves our baby that he's never felt kick, never held, never touched...what have I done to deserve these blessings in my life? Nothing. Everything I have is because of a God who loves me, knows the desires of my heart, and wants to bless me, despite my sin. I want to soak up every moment of every day because of that.

I realize this post is more for me than anyone else...with all that has been happening in my life lately, I surely have things to blog about, but even tonight, it took me a good hour just to muster up the courage to try and organize my thoughts and feelings into words, but I do think it's important to document this sweet time in my life, as I approach motherhood, as I leave the world of working outside my home and instead dedicate my time and energy to my husband and child, there are so many things I'm anticipating....but I'm not afraid or nervous about any of it, for these are the things I have prayed for so long about and the Lord is choosing to bless me with now...above anything, I am grateful. I look forward to February with great anticipation, an adventure that began when God brought Mark into my life continues as He prepares our hearts for this tiny winter miracle.

So tonight, as I contemplate sleep and the hours of coughing and blowing into tissues that surely awaits me, I look around this silent house and imagine our family growing up here, I look down at my belly and wonder about this little girl...I do believe this is the most joyful I've ever been while battling a cold.